Frank postulates:


I think the "Chocolate G" persona is obvious. This person has created a persona, if you will, for himself that is a combination of his favorite hoop player of all time, and the dominant musical artist and social critic of our time. The two individuals are so obvious I'm sure I don't even have to name them for the league, but since JP might read this, they are: Darryl Dawkins & Kenny G. It was obvious to me all along. Best of luck to all, love ya...

Dave theorizes:


My guess is Dan (an avid basketball player as we all know) has a insatiable desire, nay, NEED to attain and thence MAINTAIN that indescribable phenomenon called by players as "THE ZONE" when the player cannot miss a shot. Dan is on a sacred pilgrimage to stroke that sweet spot, that CHOCOLATE G!!!

John expounds:

There is such a thing as constructive suffering. And the difference between unconstructive suffering and constructive suffering lies at the very core of Dan's need to be identified as Chocolate G.. Too much guilt is an encumbrance, much like walking around a golf course with 65 clubs in your bag instead of 14, or, as in JP's case, simply walking around. The guilt which plagues Dan manifests itself as the desire to squelch his true identity (which he is understandably ashamed to admit is that of Bob's first pet), and assume another persona. As those of us who have known Dan for a long time know, the dominant phrase in his subconscious mind is "cop a feel", which loosely rhymes with Choolate G. (It also loosely rhymes with "floss your spleen", but that gets into the darker side of Dan's neuroses which we shant address here.) Anyway, as I was saying, since Dan would obviously lose his honored place in our society (i.e. unconstructive suffering) if he assumed the identity of a man who allowed the phrase "cop a feel" to dictate his life (like, for instance, Frank), he chose the much more benign persona of Chocolate G. (i.e. constructive suffering). This allows Dan to lead a relatively normal life, like Mario (i.e. just plain suffering).

Paul preaches:

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT-The Book of Isiah(Thomas)

and the lord spaketh unto them. and he had this to say:

a savior shall be born unto you. he will appear at a time when things seem to be at their darkest. he will take the initials of a fabled flopper from the land of oaks. his first name shall come from the substance that is produced in a town in which a stilt made history. his second name shall remain an initial in order to preserve a bit of anonymity(it can be tough being a savior, you know--people always wanting you to perform miracles, give them the meaning of life, appear at boat shows).

when the roundball realm appears destined for ruin, the savior will surface. when style conquers substance, when trash-talk vanquishes sportsmanship, when a rookie outearns a true champion, when rick adelman is given another coaching job--he will appear. he will commence his teachings high above the sea, in a land that is defended by an african prince and where the people sing in praise of the presence of an islamic assassin(whom my hand hath touched).

the savior will have many disciples, some of questionable character. among them will be a worm from a city of wind, a man from gonzaga who will come to live in a land of salt, a crybaby from a city of brotherly love, a man who stacks bricks into a house from the same city as the crybaby, a southern man named after a potato, a sleepy man from a city of rain, a bunch of indistinguishable chuckers, and the non-charismatic lumox who will ultimately be responsible for the ruination of our realm(our savior's judas).

so keep your faith and ye shall be rewarded. the savior will show us the way. he will return the realm to the genuine glories of days past. who knows, he may even get al albert back on nuggets broadcasts.

Barb Bradley waxes poetic:

There once was a man known as Chocolate G.
The reasons for this all his friends could see
Theories abound
I believe them all to be sound
It's now time for the last word from he

(If a pronoun has to suffer for artistic license, so be it. Heah- its not easy to rhyme or come up with a sexual punchline (weak late double entendre only partially intended)).